Voices

 

I remember growing up, and my dad made me wear a dresss once a week to get my allowance. He told me that he didn't want me to forget that I was lady.  This was a valid concern for a young girl growing up with two brothers, in the Sierra Nevada mountains. What I heard was that women must be really important people if my dad wants me to remember that I am one.  I remember my mom dropping everything and heading to UC Davis Medical Center to attend to some friends who had been in a serious accident. What I heard was that serving others was critical for the giver and the receiver.   Chemistry class was the hardest class I ever took in high school. I was not sure if I was going to pass. Then, through my love of sports, I suffered some stress fractures in my foot and was required to stay off of it for a couple of weeks. In order to help me pass, my dad attended my chemistry class in my place. Then, he would come home and teach me what I missed. What I heard from that experience was that education was important and so was I. My mother always kept a very tidy house, and believe it or not, I was not great at keeping up with her expectations in my bedroom.   One day, I asked why she was so clean. She told me that keeping a clean house was her way of showing gratitude to my dad for providing such a nice home for our family to live in. What I heard was that houses must be VERY expensive and hard to come by and that my mom loved my dad and our home. Mrs. Peterson asked me to sing a solo at the 3rd Grade Parent's night. What I heard from that invitation was that she believed in me.  I remember my dad asking me if I was sure I really needed that second piece of lasagne?  What I heard was that I needed to watch what I ate, and if I wasn't watching, he was.   My mom, having been divorced herself , was no stranger to Family Change.  I remember how she never spoke ill of him or his family nor her situation. What I heard was that at any point in our lives, we have the power to say, "this is NOT how MY story is going to end", and to begin writing anew.  I don't think my humble mother even guessed what inner voices her actions would create in me, 40 years later. Nor do any of us realize the ripple effect of what we do and say, in the lives of those around us.  These experiences have made me realize that we, mostly as parents, create the inner voices in our children. What we say and do is not always exactly what they hear------and these voices, they will continue to hear in the years that follow.  Such voices will mold them into the adults, parents, leaders and citizens they will become.  And, just as an artist with a blank canvas, we have the capacity to create, to brighten, to be inspired, as we are creating the voices they will continue to hear.

As a single parent, I have spent many nights evaluating and re-evaluating what takes place in our home and how I can improve. Though overwhelming at the thought, it has also been inspiring to realize that such inner voices may be up to me to create, for those I love the very most. I will try to be more aware of my words and my deeds.  Tomorrow, I will try a littler harder to make a concious effort to say and do what I would want echoed throughout my posterity. I will also take the time to ask more questions and find out what my children are actually hearing from me and the world around them.  And, what message those voices have presented them with.

I am creating the inner voices of my children.  I will rise to the occasion.  I will recognize my weaknesses and try to create such strengths in my children, by doing so.  Just as powerful as the the realization that I was possibily creating inner voices, was the realization that we all have the power to change, delete and alter the inner voices we hear and speak, by being aware of such power within each of us.  Don't let one bad day convince you that you have a bad life and give up. I will not shrink to the negative voices within my own ears!  I will replace such discouragements with positive affirmations.  I have value.  My kids have value. We all have value and we can all be anything we want to be.  The trick is having the courage and stregnth, each day, to be it. 

 Do you hear what I hear?  Voices!