Families Change: Seeing

When we change the way we look at things----- the things we are looking at change! As a 5 year-old little girl, and a pretty spunky one I might add, I suffered a series of serious headaches. This was odd for a young child, so my parents took me to see the doctor. He suggested I have my eyes tested. Sure enough, the verdict was in, I was visually challenged. I had a unique prescription. Not only were some pretty thick lenses required, but my eyes worked against each other, rather than as the team they were designed to be, hence, the paralyzing headaches. The eye doctor’s office was near a homemade candy store. And, a favorite treat of mine were their homemade pink candy canes.

I remember like it was yesterday. My mom picked me up from school and we went to the eye doctor's, with the promise of a candy cane predicated upon my cooperative yet brave behavior. With a deal like that, I pranced into the doctor's office with a smile. I sat on the chair, as he opened the velvet-lined case revealing the chocolate brown rimmed frames and their thick prescriptive lenses. He cleaned them delicately with a satin cloth and placed them on my face. It was like putting your TV on the appropriate channel.
The static and fuzz I had been looking at for 5 years, instantly became clear, distinct and in living color! I felt like a brand new person. You would have to ask my mom how long it took for the smile to leave my face, but I would imagine, quite some time. I never wanted to take them off again!! We walked outside and suddenly I was amazed that the green trees were not just cartoon-like clumps of color, but individual leaves creating each unique arbor. The road was not just a solid charcoal strip highway, but a myriad of white, black and gray stone-like flecks that together, created each street. The pink candy cane I will never forget! As soon as it came into my 5 year old view, I was stunned to realize they were not pink at all. They were hand-twisted with red and white stripes, creating the festive candy cane I adored!! When we change the way we look at things--------- the things we are looking at always seem to CHANGE!

When my husband left, my world as I knew it, became, once again, days of static and fuzz. My future was no longer crisp and distinct. My days were no longer bright. And, my purpose in life lost its’ colorful luster of meaning. However, with clarity, I remember receiving divorce papers in the mail. Though I had known for months this would be the outcome. I knew when I was to watch for the paperwork. An email indicated the papers would arrive that week. I opened the mailbox that winter day. Amidst the snow, I leaned over to retrieve the mail. There I noticed a large white envelope folded-to-fit, stuffed in with day’s delivery. The return address was all too familiar, as I had spent some long hours in that cold office. I put the mail on my shelf and waited until kids were tucked in bed for the night. Then, alone on my bed, I opened the envelope. No office visit, phone call or email could have prepared me for what I would see nor how I would feel. There in black and white, authenticated with a judge’s signature, were the words indicating the official end of life as I had known it for the past 20 years. I went from being a Mrs. to a Ms., wife to divorcee, and worst of all, I was now a“single mother” with all it’s devastating statistics. My vision quickly clouded with tears and I sobbed like I had never sobbed before. Tears of fear poured down my face. Tears of failure, embarrassment and loneliness soon soaked my pillow. I longed for a new pair of glasses that had changed my vision so dramatically as a child. Soon, I realized that was the answer. The glasses, I had them all along. They were tucked deep inside my heart and mind.

The lenses, thick with perseverance and framed in solid determination. I took out my cloth of faith and cleaned them with my new attitude. I put them on, and my world, again, went from fuzz and static to vibrant color. They changed the way I looked at myself, and I began to change!!! Where I had seen myself as divorcee, I now saw only determination to overcome any stereotype and rather than feel sorry for myself, I would make something of myself. That “single mom and her statistics” became crystal clear----- I would beat the odds with my contagious positivity and make sure my children knew that divorce or any family change, was no excuse for failure. And, later, 3 years later to be exact, those glasses have continued to serve me well. Rather than used and remarried, I decided I would be “married again”-------blessed again, with another sacred opportunity to be a wife, a companion, a best friend and confidant. And, being a Step-Mom gave me the chance to Step-in, whenever and where ever needed to make a difference in his children’s lives. It didn’t take me long to realize that my glasses of perseverance, determination and faith, became my super powers----- allowing me to escape the dangers of bitterness, self-pity, hate and injustice. While enabling me to more clearly see the possibilities ahead. Some say, “seeing is believing.”

However, I would have to say, “believing is REALLY seeing!!!” Believing in myself and all that I can overcome and accomplish, regardless of the hand of unfairness that I had been dealt. Believing in my ability to succeed regardless of statistics. And, believing that a loving Heavenly Father sees me, believes in me------ in whom I KNOW, with Him, anything is possible!!! No more static and fuzz, only clarity and a vibrant rainbow of possibilities-----When we change the way we look at things---things change!I see myself becoming an all-star wife again. Contrary to the fairy tale stereotype, I see myself blending and becoming a champion mother and step-mother. Everyday, I SEE myself determined, faithfull, and beating the statistical odds, and creating a strong unified family, in spite of life's unfairness and the consequences of choice. I believe in me.