And now, the vulnerable side --- being a member of a family is work. Being the mother of family is constant work. Being a wife is hard work everyday. And, being a grandma is hardly work. All of my roles on Team Hirchak Weidmer require some sort of work, hence the title of this post, "SOW We Grow." As I have pondered how I can be a Sower and a Grower in this family, I have been pondering the meaning of "sow" and how it applies to family. Sow, means to plant or cover with seeds. Other meanings are create, produce and generate. Even, initiate, cultivate and precipitate. All of these words not only insinuate work, but hard work. So, I have come to realize that at the end of the day, if I don't have to wash up and treat my calluses, I have not given it my all, and cannot expect anything to grow or change. Some days are more overwhelming than others. One thing I have learned over the past few years of incredible daily, weekly, monthly Family Change, is that if I'm feeling buried by life, perhaps it is more because I am being planted for incredible growth that could not happen any other way.
This year, I did something crazy therapeutic. It was time to get out the holiday decorations and deck the halls for the season. For the past 7 years, I have had 2 red and green bins full of holiday delight. I would keep them just outside the garage door because there wasn't really anywhere to put them. They were also heavy, so when I was by myself, it was just easier to have them there. And, for the past 5 years, they have served as a desktop for tool boxes, cases of water bottles and miscellaneous garden tools. They were a bit of an eye-sore, but the reason for them being there far outweighed their inconvenience. This year, as I looked at those bins, I realized that what was inside was the past. It would ALWAYS be there, however, it was my choice whether or not I wanted to look at them everyday as an eye-sore and inconvenience. It was time to find the proper place to put those bins of Christmas past.
Those bins were full of traditions and memories, most of which were fading with the constant Family Change. This year, I opened the bins and thought to myself, "It's time for something new and most of all, something "US". So, I closed the lids, loaded up the bins and took them to the nearest dumpster. They were heavy and all I could do to manage them and get them over the top and into the can. As they dropped, the echo could have been heard for miles. I thought I might be sad, but I was overwhelmed with gladness. I didn't need my past right outside my door another day. And, the echo reminded me that it really doesn't go away. It will always be a part of me...... just not right outside my door.
And so, I began my search for a new tree. Something, different, something fresh, something US. Thanksgiving Day was the unveiling. The kids would come and what would they say? I have to admit, I was a bit nervous. Each child, no matter their last name LOVED the beautiful white Christmas tree trimmed in red bows and bells. I wanted white to remind me of our sealing, of my wedding dress, of His holy temple, of white shirts and ties and the peace of freshly fallen snow. The red bows remind me that it's ok to make a mistake because there is a bigger and better plan than my beating myself up over my own short comings and failures. Those red bows remind me that I have a Savior that has always made up the difference, with His own blood, where I fall short, and always will. The bells remind me to always listen ---- listen to my husband, to listen to all of the kids and their different views, thoughts and interests. And, to especially listen to the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost. Whatever your higher power, it speaks. The question is, do you hear? And, on the top, of course, a star!! The star to remind me everyday, not just at Christmas time, that something holy is taking place within the walls of my home. However, this is a new star. My old star went by way of the bins and the echo. This star was brought home, all the way from Chile by our missionary daughter. So, this star also reminds me that anything worth having is worth working for. That hard work is not easy and can be full of rejection and uneasiness as I navigate the waters of change. However, that star reminds me that I can do it, because with God, nothing is impossible. And, I am never alone.
And Sow We Grow, not just a Christmas time but all the time. Bloom where you're planted!! Don't spend your time worrying about greener pastures, or Christmas pasts. Don't be afraid to just toss it and create something new, something you. Deck the halls. Smile lots and love even more! Families Change, and for that, I am eternally grateful, not just today, but everyday. God doesn't change our circumstances but He changes us, if we let Him.