Monday, June 24, 2013
I longed to be somebody's favorite! I missed being cared about after spending the day caring about everyone else, as we mother's do. I so loved being a wife, a companion, a best-friend, a confidant. I missed hearing the garage door go up in the evening, after a long day, and being so excited to just be "together" again. So, as 2012 came to a close, I went to my knees and really poured out my soul to my Heavenly Father. I told Him that though my heart and my family were healing, there was still a hole or void. I was alone and didn't like it one bit! I acknowledged my weaknesses as a single mother. As hard as I tried to do it all, to be it all--- this was a job that was divinely designed for two. And, if He would help me, I was ready to be a team again.
One day, while working on this very blog, I was reconnected with an old friend from home. We had grown up together in the same ward for many years. We attended the same high school and went to seminary together. We laughed a lot, helped each other with homework and even went to a couple dances together. He was married as I entered the MTC to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We had not heard from each other since. However, as we reconnected, we quickly realized that we were both divorced, and had been living only 30 miles apart for over 25 years. We picked up right where we had left off. We realized we both love dried mangos, mint chip ice cream, peaceful music and Mexican and Italian food. We also realized that though we had experienced different challenges, much of our pain and hurt were very much the same. The empathy we felt for each other was profound. Instantly, we felt spiritually and emotionally connected. And, that hole in my healing heart has been filled and running over! We both could feel His hands lifting us, bringing us together, and working many mighty miracles along the way.
Dating is yet another Family Change. You find yourself experiencing teenage feelings with very real adult responsibilities. Your own children are asking you questions that your parents did, years ago. Though awkward at times, dating has proven to be a learning experience for us all and has opened the door to many conversations with my kids that would not have happened any other way. Blending families is and will continue to be yet another Family Change. But, I testify that if two people want to be "together" bad enough, and they have the Lord on their side, it is possible to beat the odds, combined life's experiences and interests and make it work---- together.
I will close this post with the last few words of my 2012 family Christmas letter: "It's not about surviving......it's about LIVING!!! It's choosing to make lemonade out of the lemons in life.....so that those around us will want to make lemonade too!!!" And, with our pasts, it should be no surprise that we both love lemon things!! Often times, after some of the hardest challenges and most difficult trials, Families can Change for the better!!! It takes two! We are making lemonade.... Together!!
Friday, June 14, 2013
I remember vividly coming home from a study group, late one night. A neighbor had brought dinner to my children in my absence. I drove home empty, much like the widow, with nothing to give and barely a crumb for myself and my children. I remembered there was a meeting at the church, that evening. I felt so weakened by my trials and so empty at the loss of my husband, that physically, I could hardly move. As I walked down the road to the church, I felt much like the widow as she headed to her water source. When I arrived, the meeting had already begun. I looked in the window and every seat was taken. I thought about my options----- quietly unfolding another chair, sitting by someone that I did not know, or perhaps someone who knew me too well, and their eyes of pity I could not bear. So, I turned and walked back home. I did not fill the vessel for Him who could have healed me and blessed me and made my situation easier to bear. That night, on my knees, I promised my Heavenly Father, my Higher Power, that I would NEVER put up another fence between He and Me!!! I needed Him more than He needed a vessel of water or a cake. I NEEDED the blessings that would come from serving, from putting Him FIRST and foremost in my life again. I needed the blessings my whole family could receive----------- I knew that night, that if I tore down the "fences" that I had built , that our barrel of meal would "waste not" and our cruse of oil would NEVER FAIL!!
Fear Not! Be Faith Filled!! No Fences!!!