Profound

I was watching General Conference, this past Sunday.  It is a meeting for anyone and everyone, all over the world.  It gives the general authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints an opportunity, every 6 months, to address the church, as a whole.  The talks are not planned as a group.  Topics are not given.  However, the meeting always seems to flow together, with an amazing spirit of renewal and inspiration. Last week, there were many talks which taught me, however, one talk pierced my soul to its very core, and I could not sit still until I wrote:

Sunday-- 6 October 2013

Today, marked the last day of General Conference, October 2013.  It was remarkable!  We were reminded to stay close to the Lord.  We were encouraged to Love God and to Love others.  We were invited over and over again, to share our testimonies.  It is my hope and prayer, that through this post, the Spirit will be felt, my testimony shared, and most of all, that the heart of each reader will be touched.  I was moved to tears, as President Thomas S. Monson spoke this morning.  He opened his talk, remembering his sweet wife Francis, who passed away, just a few months prior.  President Monson spoke of her sweetness and their close friendship.  He spoke of her constant support without complaint.   He said, "To say that I miss her does not even begin to describe my feelings..."  He described his loss as "profound".  And said she was, "an angel indeed."  My heart began to pound as I thought about my years as a wife, the past three years without that role and title, and the past two months of remarrige, as a wife again.  It was not a question of, "could it be said of me that I was supportive, a trusted confidant or closest friend?"  It was much more than that.  It was a question of, "would it be said of me?"  Would I be described as an "angel?"  Once I pass from this life to the next, would my loss be "profound?"  I realized again, the importance of my role as a wife and a mother, and soon to be "grandmother"(that's right--- April 2013) meant to me.  The incredible warmth I felt from head to toe, testified to me, that these roles are eternal, and also mean everything to Him.  This testified to my very being, how much I love being a wife, and as equally powerful, how much I had missed that role.

I decided today, that if I wanted to be referred to as an angel, that I had better go about my day as an angel would.  And, that if my loss was to be felt and my legacy remembered, I had work to do!!  In his address, President Monson shared the words of a poet:

Good timber does not grow with ease,

The stronger wind, the stronger trees.

The further sky, the greater length.

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.

Though there are days when the adversary would have me feel like a failure, this poem reminded me that perhaps, the strong wind of divorce, hurt and pain, could in effect, make me even a better wife.  And, that though I have been divinely given the opportunity to be a wife again, there will still be storms to bring strength, bright blue and dark gray skies------ all with the potential to make me "profound" and "angelic".......if I allow it to. 

I realized that because families are SO important and vital to all of us and even to our communities and our futures, the adversary will waste no time in his attempts to tear them apart.  He will use large wrecking balls of infidelity and addiction.  He will quietly take us apart, brick by brick with low self-esteem, hatred, anger, priorities and secrecy.  He will try and get us to fight rather than be faithful.  To be negative rather than nurture.  To see our glass half-empty instead of half-full.  He will beat us down with our own weaknesses.  And, he would have us feed our doubt and fear until it becomes all-consuming, rather that look to our higher power who truly holds all power to make us free!  He will turn our focus from posterity to possessions,  from kitchens and cradles to careers and clothing.  He would have what model and year we buckle up into become more of a priority over who we buckle up and how quickly those years fly by! 

Today, I have begun my life-long pursuit of becoming angelic.  Though I know I AM a child of God, I want to BE a child of God, in all my interactions and pursuits.  I want to love when it is easier to hate.  I want rise rather than crumble.  I want to put up over give up---- everyday, without ceasing.  Though each day I am a mother, a recess-duty, an elementary school aid, a full-time college student, maid, cook, chauffer and wife, the title of His Child, will dictate what I do, what I say, how I act, who and what I listen to and how I serve, as I fulfill each of these roles................if I let it.  The knowledge of being His child not only brings meaning and reason, but hope, peace and motivation to be His hands, each and every day, inside the walls of my own home and out. 

I want my kids to know, all 10 of them, that I LOVE YOUR fathers!!!!  That I have and forever will be their friend, their confidant, their support and biggest fan.  And, when I mess up, I will rise with the help of heavenly wings and brush off the dirt with apology and forgiveness and begin again.  To my 4 children, I ALWAYS supported your father.

Though I have had moments when his actions have torn me apart to point of bleeding to death in hurt and pain and I have retaliated as a child of His would not have, I have apologized, sought forgiveness, and taken courage and allowed His grace and sacrifice to heal those wounds, and I have tried again.  And, I will continue to do so.  To all 10 children, I LOVE my husband!  I am honored to be his wife.  Doing laundry is no longer a chore, for I know, that load by load, I will run across his items, and love permeates my being as I fold them.  I do not love him in spite of weaknesses, I love him because of them!!!  We are a team for each other and for each of you!!  Though I am not angelic, I am an angel in the making.  And, I am part of Lord's university of love, life and forever learning.  Where classes can be retaken as many times as needed, requiring a full-tuition of courage and desire to try again.  "Profound" is the word I would use to describe my husband, your father and step-father, my best friend........and most of all, my love for each of you.   Profound is the warmth I feel when each of you are around!

Profound is my testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I KNOW He lives.  I know He suffered for each and every one of us.  I know that He is the only one who knows our sorrows, pain and sufferings.  I also know that He is the only way to healing.  I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet and that he did restore the Gospel here on earth.  The fact that he would lay down his life for it, is nothing other than profound!  I know that He prayed and his prayers were heard and answered.  I know, as sure I am typing, that he did in fact, see God the Father and Jesus Christ.  Not because I saw it too, but because of the profound warmth I feel, as the Holy Ghost testifies, each and every time I read of it!  I know that we are all His children.  I know He loves us with a profound love!  I know that though Families Change, He does not!  He is constant! The Gospel is a profound blessing and the fruit from living it is thirst-quenching.  I hope and pray to be a profound influence for good in the many lives around me.  This is the degree I truly seek.  And, I know that with Him, I can do exactly that------ with nothing less than a profound amount of courage and faith, strength and effort, and LOVE!! Profound are we!!!