Perfect

Yes, I have recently remarried, and since I began this blog, almost a year ago, my quest has been to strengthen those experiencing Family Change, as they read.  But, also to remind us all, that Family Change will be part of all of our lives.  Some marry, children are born, they grow, and soon leave the home-----  all of which create Family Change along the journey.  Then, because of life, our own choices, and sometimes because of the choices of others, we experience profound Family Change-----some of us may experience the loss of a spouse, the dark rejection and pain of divorce, and others may be called upon to bury little ones along this journey we call life.  However big or small, Family Change has and will effect us all.  My hope and prayer is and has been, that something I say might lighten a load, create a friendship, inspire the weary, with the hopes that together, we can come through the refining fire of Family Change, better not bitter.  

As I have been remarried almost a week, I have found my heart and thoughts often turning to those dark times of profound loss.  My husband and I have spoken of those hard times that we endured alone.  We have been reminded of those lonely times, and how our relationships have been strengthened with our children and with our Savior, with such deep connections, that could not have been created in any other way.  I used to think about what type of man would make the "perfect" husband and father for me and my children.  Soon, I realized that a better quest would be, what imperfections would compliment me and mine and those of my children "perfectly.  Perfect might be the imperfection in one and that same skill mastered in the other.  Other times, it might be a willingness and desire to overcome challenge together.  As these two wildflowers, growing together, despite the intense hot desert climate, low moisture, yet these two, overcame the odds, working "perfectly" together.  

On a hike, I was touched by these two.  It was pointed out to me that these were not the prettiest of blossoms------ but I knew, for this blog, they were "perfect!"  One flower appears a little weaker than the other.   But, the stronger blossom, with more petals seems almost proud of it's teammate, its counterpart, its help-meet!!  Together, the make a healthy, whole, brilliant couple of beauty.

Then, along our hike, we ran across this tree.  It made me think, again, about the perfect couple, the perfect spouse.  You can tell that these trees began as two separate trees.  They grew together, almost as one strong tree, in the middle, and then side by side, and straight up.   So, the perfect spouse, is not one without imperfection, but one

with the same "perfect" goals, strengths and desires to succeed together, despite the odds.  Perhaps, one of these trees was weak for a period, maybe even received injury during a storm.  While the other tree, had a period of strength.  These imperfections work together to create two trees that stand straight and strong------even stronger than they would have been alone.  If we turned over the soil beneath, it would not surprise me if the ground revealed roots, intertwined together, creating a foundation to withstand anything that may come along and attempt to destroy their growth and longevity.

I am well aware, that the blending of families ranks right up there with ultimate Family Change.  However, I am also aware, that as the tree and flowers illustrate so beautifully, that together, we can accomplish hard things.   I look back at what we have been through alone.  And, the thought of what we can do together empowers me------ not because we are a "perfect" couple or family, but because we "perfectly" compliment each other with our imperfections.  "Perfect" is not the one who makes the most ---- but the one who helps you make the most out of each day!!!  I have learned that rather than praying for an easy life, I pray for the strength, wisdom and inspiration to endure a difficult one------ so that when Families Change, my family is armed with the necessary power and inspiration to come out on top----- perfectly!!!  Perfect is not without flaw or challenge.  Perfect is the most amazing combinations of imperfections----- to create the perfect team!!  Perfect!!

Blending and Stepping

 As Families Change, so do we!!!  Not only will our hearts never be the same, but the dynamics in our homes change, our routines change, traditions are altered and relationship and roles are enhanced and modified.  Family Change often times causes a ripple effect-------as one change produces another.  For me, my husband left after 20 years of marriage.  As I mentioned above, our home was forever changed.  My oldest daughter (18 years old at the time) took on a major support role to me, as far as parenting goes.  My 16 year old son took over the home repairs, the lawn and became the physical strength and protector.  My 14 year old daughter became the nanny and my 8 year old son became my shadow.  Now, 3 years later, I sit, one week from getting married.  I have pondered the enormous responsibility at hand, of blending two families into one------ and creating one strong family unit.  A family that will cultivate love, enhance relationships, create bonds, and most importantly raise strong and confident children who know who they are, where they came from and where they are going.  Rather than feeling overwhelmed by this new responsibility, I decided to study and seek out what skills I would need to "blend" and then, get to work.  I soon realized, that the Art of Blending began long ago, within each of us.  As children, we want to BLEND IN.  We are continually trying to make new friends, keep the old, and avoid the awkward.  By "blending in" we want to feel comfortable in each other's presence by feeling appreciated and like we have a place within our clusters of friends---- like we belong.  So, I will dig deep, and find my blending skills which I began to sharpen on my childhood playground of learning, and make sure 6 beautiful kids know they are loved and feel they belong!

CONTINUAL BLENDING is constantly occurring as new acquaintences enter our already-established groups of friends and family.  Sometimes, we are the ones who have invited a new friend.  In those circumstances, WE are the ones who are truly trying to blend and re-blend the group.  By doing so, we are seeking for common interests, likes and dislikes.  We are watching for personality clashes and the rare find ----- a perfect personality match.  When we are the ones who have invited the new friend, employee, student or classmate in, we become the key blenders.  Sort of managing the fun while being completely aware of any possible problems.  We feel responsible for this newcomer and we realize, for that moment, in that situation, their happiness is in our hands.  Then, there are those times when someone else invites the new friend into our group.  We are then, just trying to get to know and welcome this newcomer, while striving to break down any walls, barriers or conflicts which may arise---- and, they always do.  All the while, staying true to our childhood ability to BLEND IN.  I know that I will be Continually Blending during the next phase of my journey.  I look forward to the challenge as I know the rewards will be far greater than any apparent sacrifice I could ever make.

TEENAGE BLENDING is the ultimate blending.  Our teenagers are blending everyday in every way possible, in order to create peace amidst caos, acceptance at the risk of rejection,  consistency in a world where things are changing everyday.  As well as blending their actions with their beliefs........and feeling true to themselves while they blend.  Blending actions, values, friends and family------ TEENAGE ULTIMATE BLENDING!!  Blending skills are being learned and even cultivated within all of us.  I am grateful to have been chosen to harvest some of these skills and use them in my own family.

I believe whole-heartedly in the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child."  I also believe that each village is different for each child.  Villages may consist of mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, grandparents and aunts and uncles.  Villages may also consist of teachers, coaches, neighbors and yes, even step-parents.  I have studied this new role over and over in my mind, and here are my thoughts.  Not out of any book or from anyone else's post.  Not off of someone's Pinterest.  Just the feelings of my heart coupled with my life-time of BLENDING experiences.  A Step-Mother ought to be exactly that----- A mother with a step!!!!

Perhaps, being a Step-Mother means having an extra "Step" In My Stride?  Through exercise, prayer and pondering, I could make sure that I have a little extra energy, patience and love----- that I might use my BLENDING skills that I have been using my whole life, to blend my new family to the best of my ability-----as I know they are depending on me to do exactly that.  Perhaps, being a Step-Mother means striving to stay One-"Step"-Ahead of the game----- using my Continual Blending skills acquired as a youth to watch and anticipate challenges, that they might be easily resolved.  One-Step-Ahead  to better blend schedules and create new while blending our old goals and priorities.  One-Step-Ahead of holidays and birthdays and tender hearts and emotions that may accompany such events......as Families Change! Maybe, being a Step-Mother means not being afraid to Take A "Step" Back at times, when just Mom and Dad need to be involved.

 As a Step-Mother, I may need to Step-It-Up when emotions, feelings and frustrations reach an all time low, which I'm pretty confident, they will, at times.  Even though I may also be on "Empty" myself, I will seek and pray for the emotional stamina to "Step"-It-Up when the need arises.  Finally, I decided that being a Step-Mother means being a mom with a "step"---- just like my step-stool allows me to reach what I can't reach on my own, as a Step-Mother, I want to help these 6 children reach a little higher.  And, perhaps, I have been placed in their lives for reason.  Perhaps I have something to offer them that no one else does, in my own unique, Step-Mother way.  I want to be the Step-Mother that helps them stand a little taller and reach a little higher.   Being a Step-Mother means that I am being given the honor of being part of the "village" that will continue to raise, influence and love, 6 lives, 6 of Heavenly Father's precious children.  And, I will do my best to blend, love and honor them, while creating consistency, love and support for my own children and my husband!!!!  (Now, there's a word I have not used for almost 3 years!!!)    I will Step-In, Step-it-Up and Step Ahead------ with Him as my ultimate guide, I will become a master Blender and be the Step-Mother I can possibly be.  Families Change.  Families blend.  Hearts and lives intertwine!  Miracles will manifest themselves as I place my family in His hands----- and get to work. Blending and Stepping!!!

Counting

The other day, my oldest son showed up a little late for an event.  Not uncommon for a busy teenager.  He then explained that he was late because a hubcap fell off his car, and someone behind him, saw it fly off, watched it roll away, and wanted to let him know where he could find it.  My teenagers share the greatest car ever!  It was a gift!  And though it is a tad worn, it just keeps going each week, as we fill the tank with love and appreciation---- and a little gas, when funds allow.  So, I asked my son what he said to the man who told him of the plight of his missing hubcap?  He looked at me surprised, and said, "I said Thank You, I need that hubcap!!  I ONLY have one on that side!!!"  My son's response stopped me dead in my tracks and caused me to ponder!!  Though this car may seem old to the onlooker, my son values it and had "counted" and he knew a hubcap was already missing------ the thought of losing another was simply out of the question!!

 The story tells of the shepherd who had 100 sheep.  He "counted" only 99.  He loved his sheep enough to leave the 99, momentarily, and go find the one.                                                                                

And, when the wandering lamb was found, the shepherd rejoiced and threw him over his shoulders and carried him.  He loves his sheep enough to "count" them often.  During his ac"counting", he realizes one is missing and that becomes an immediate priority ------ and, a great lesson for all of us parents, grandparents, favorite aunts, teachers and mentors of every kind ------- he did not bring him back scolding or lecturing.  He did not seem to belittle him regarding his choice to wander.  Nor did he appear to pile up the punishments, nor rub his nose in his mistakes.  And, I bet that lamb felt loved, in spite of his decision to wander, as he lay on the shoulders of he who "counted!"

It was a cold winter night, just weeks after my husband left.  I remember being numb from the weather of the season and from my circumstance.  My sweet 8 year old was curled up, asleep beside me.  The other 3 kids were all out for various events.  Just as curfew approached, my phone began to ring with requests to pick up my sheep.  I looked at my youngest lamb, safe and asleep, wondering how I was going to leave the One, and go pick up the three, who were "counting" on me.  As midnight quickly approached, I seemed frozen by my new predicament as a single mother!!  I KNEW I was the shepherd to my children-----their ONLY shepherd that night.  My kids were "counting" on me, so I decided to "count" on Him!!! As I thought of the lamb over the shoulder of the shepherd, I grabbed a sleeping bag, and bundled up my little lamb, and with strength beyond my own, and an attitude to match, I carried my one to the car, and on that snowy night, picked up the other three, who were "counting" on me.  Amid the darkness and the cold, that night, I realized that  "counting" would be crucial over the next few weeks, months and years.  Not so much that I was being "counted" on as a single shepherd------ but that "counting" on Him would be my greatest source of inspiration and strength, to navigate the unfamiliar roads ahead.  And, my heart was filled with warmth as I realized that I too, was being "counted" and cared for, by divine design, by various hearts and hands.

That night, I realized why "counting" sheep helps us fall asleep.  "Counting" often  those we are responsible for, called to lead, in a position to teach, guide and influence, gives us the peace we need, to allow our minds and hearts to rest.  Thus giving us that unseen strength to keep "counting and the patience and inspiration required as we are "counted" on!!!   "Counting" sheep helps me remember that not only is my family "counting" on me,  but the ultimate Shepherd is there, for ME to "count" on.  There are days when I come home rejoicing with a lamb, or two or three on my shoulders, after a hard day.  Then, more often than not, I have those days when I feel like I don't matter or "count" to anyone, that the weight of those "counting" on me seems almost impossible to bear!  It is then, that I realize, I am the lamb being carried, by the Good Shepherd, who is always "counting!" A hubcap so treasured!  Not just a number!  A good night's sleep and sheep! On His shoulders! Carrying! Counting!!

Miracles

    Miracles can heal, give sight, health and strength.  And, more often than not, miracles are surrounded by challenges.  Miracles often indicate that something holy is taking place.  Perhaps, the real miracle is our ability, at that moment, to SEE a stepping stone amidst a sea of stumbling blocks, and courageously take one step at a time, into the unknown.  Christ walks on the water.  Peter also, miraculously walks on water---- all while the storm and winds rage. The life of Christ himself.  His ministry full of miracles.  Yet, also full of challenges, or stumbling blocks----- mocking by the unbelievers, tempting by the same adversary who tempts us, physical challenges of being beat and spat upon and then, the requirement to take up His cross. And, even moments of feeling alone.  Yet, through all these challenges, Christ ministers, serves, heals, and teaches.  A life of challenge!  A life of holiness! The child who is healed of cancer, but the family left with thousands of dollars in medical expenses in the seeking of such a miracle.  The miraculous survivors of a plane crash, yet a lifetime of scars and burns and challenges, which seem to surround the miracle---- and must be faced each and everyday.  So, in a strange sort of way, challenges may even be an indication of a miracle soon-to-come!!  I think of Mary, and her carrying the baby Savior---- truly a miracle!!  But, she must have been stared at.  She may have even felt different or outcast. Perhaps, she even felt like she did not fit in.  Yet, she carried inside her, a miracle!!!

My teenage daughter had asked me, a couple of times throughout the week, to get her a bucket of sand.  I believe, to leave with a note for a friend.  Needless to say, this bucket of sand did not seem to make it to the top of my "To-Do List."  Getting kids to school and various events, accomplishing everyone's homework, keeping up with dishes and laundry and keeping everyone's emotion's in check seemed to be more the priority.  A few days in a row, this persistent daughter would leave notes, with faith in me, that I could not only find the time, but find sand.  So, the night she needed it arrived.  I got home about 10pm.  And, on the kitchen counter was a colorful empty bucket, a small shovel and a note of pleading, from daughter to mother, "Mom, please fill this with sand!!!"  My sweet friend and I looked at each other and grabbed the bucket.

 We jumped in his car and I said a silent prayer, "Help!  I need a miracle! I need sand!"  The sand was not crucial, but my ability to help my child was.  We decided to head to a park where there might be some sand under a swing.  We rounded the corner, in the dark, and made our way to the main entrance.  As we entered the parking lot, a large something stopped us in our tracks.  We turned on our high beams, then looked at each other, stunned.  There in front of us, in the middle of the parking lot, late that night, far from any beach, was an enormous pile of sand!!!!  We quickly filled the bucket and headed back to the house.  I KNEW beyond any shadow of a doubt, that pile of sand was a miracle!!  A miracle amidst a week of finals and challenges that come with being a single parent.  That pile of sand testified that miracles are real, everyday, if we look for them!!  He CAN move mountains.  But, more often than not, the mountain he moves is within us, motivating us, empowering us, encouraging us to keep going and not to quit!!  "A pile of sand", has become our name for miracles!  We find "piles of sand" throughout our week, in the gas tank that lasts a little longer than it did when our wallets were full, in the call from a friend just when you felt forgotten, a note on your pillow when you were empty, and the text from a friend telling you to stay in school just when you were ready to give up.  I believe that with every miraculous "pile of sand", I am reminded not only of my higher power, but that I matter to Him----- and that is power!!  I believe that miracles are often surrounded by challenges......and that it could be just around the corner, right when you are ready to give up.  Miracles are often surrounded by challenges-----which means you are not on the wrong track, but exactly the right one.  Miracles often mean something holy is taking place.  Challenges often pave the way for miracles.  I believe that just around the corner, when you least expect it, and when it doesn't make sense, we may find the perfect "pile of sand!"   I believe in being strong, even when everything seems to be going wrong!!
 I believe in MIRACLES!!   

Together

It was Christmas time.  As I studied for finals, I began to write our family Christmas letter.  I have always enjoyed sharing some of the highlights of the year with friends and family.  But this year was different!  Our 2012 letter marked the third letter I wrote, ending with myself, no husband, no "we", no "us" and no "together."  As I wrapped up our annual letter, I did some soul-searching.  Did I like being by alone?  Was I becoming so used to being by myself that I would not have room in my life or my heart for anyone else?  Was I too afraid of being hurt again, to ever give anyone else a chance?  Was the fear of failure greater than my faith in any future opportunities?

I longed to be somebody's favorite!  I missed being cared about after spending the day caring about everyone else, as we mother's do.  I so loved being a wife, a companion, a best-friend, a confidant.  I missed hearing the garage door go up in the evening, after a long day, and being so excited to just be "together" again.  So, as 2012 came to a close, I went to my knees and really poured out my soul to my Heavenly Father.  I told Him that though my heart and my family were healing, there was still a hole or void.  I was alone and didn't like it one bit!  I acknowledged my weaknesses as a single mother.  As hard as I tried to do it all, to be it all--- this was a job that was divinely designed for two.  And, if He would help me, I was ready to be a team again. 

One day, while working on this very blog, I was reconnected with an old friend from home.  We had grown up together in the same ward for many years.  We attended the same high school and went to seminary together.  We laughed a lot, helped each other with homework and even went to a couple dances together.  He was married as I entered the MTC to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  We had not heard from each other since.  However, as we reconnected, we quickly realized that we were both divorced, and had been living only 30 miles apart for over 25 years.  We picked up right where we had left off.  We realized we both love dried mangos, mint chip ice cream, peaceful music and Mexican and Italian food.  We also realized that though we had experienced different challenges, much of our pain and hurt were very much the same.  The empathy we felt for each other was profound.  Instantly, we felt spiritually and emotionally connected.  And, that hole in my healing heart has been filled and running over!  We both could feel His hands lifting us, bringing us together, and working many mighty miracles along the way. 

Dating is yet another Family Change.  You find yourself experiencing teenage feelings with very real adult responsibilities.  Your own children are asking you questions that your parents did, years ago.  Though awkward at times, dating has proven to be a learning experience for us all and has opened the door to many conversations with my kids that would not have happened any other way.   Blending families is and will continue to be yet another Family Change.  But, I testify that if two people want to be "together" bad enough, and they have the Lord on their side, it is possible to beat the odds, combined life's experiences and interests and make it work---- together. 

August 8th, he and I will be married.  Together, we will work on strengthening our relationship while helping our families strengthen theirs---- together.  As we experience yet another Family Change, together, we will be ready to climb any mountain that presents itself along the way.  We are well aware that it will take time and effort.  We are well aware that it will not always be easy.  We are well aware that there may be some bumps in the road along the way.  However, we are equally aware, that nothing can be more challenging that doing it all alone.  And, I am confident that nothing will prove to be more rewarding than continuing our journeys as a team.  "Together" we can do anything!!!

I will close this post with the last few words of my 2012 family Christmas letter:  "It's not about surviving......it's about LIVING!!!  It's choosing to make lemonade out of the lemons in life.....so that those around us will want to make lemonade too!!!" And, with our pasts, it should be no surprise that we both love lemon things!! Often times, after some of the hardest challenges and most difficult trials,  Families can Change for the better!!!  It takes two!  We are making lemonade.... Together!!

Fences

As Families Change, it is so easy to put up "fences." Consciously or subconsciously, we begin to fence-in and fence-out people, help, feelings and even emotions.   I absolutely love the story of the Widow of Zarephath, in the Old Testament.  Elijah enters the city and finds the widow "gathering sticks".  Sticks perhaps for a fence of sort.  In actuality, she is gathering sticks to build a fire that she might prepare a final meal for she and her son, who are starving to death.  Starving, no doubt,  physically and spiritually.  She is a widow, indicating she has suffered the ultimate Family Change, the loss of a beloved spouse.  Her emptiness is indescribable.  Financially destitute.  Emotionally empty.  Spiritually void.   Most likely, feeling betrayed even by that Higher Power she felt would see her through any and all life's challenges.  But now, feeling that perhaps that same God she had trusted has forsaken her, by taking away a most priceless possession--- a family member.  This feeling of betrayal by one's Higher Power, is definitely a "fence" or a wall we put up during hard times in our lives.  It is human to want to blame somebody for our circumstances.  So, in our quest for fault or reason, we fence Him out------ He who often times, is our only hope for renewal and healing.  We even fence out He who paid the ultimate price for each of us, that we need not suffer as we are------ for He already did!  Yet, the "fence" goes up.  We stop praying because of our anger with Him.  Then, completely out of the habit, we have created quite a sturdy "fence" of stubbornness between we and He!  Elijah reminds the widow and us all, when he asks, as she is in the depths of despair gathering sticks, to fetch him a drink of water.   Not just turn the sink on, in her sadness and fill up a glass.  But, broken hearted and weak, to go to the river and fill a vessel.   A great symbolic lesson given, that there may never be a better time to head to our source of living water than when we are in the depths of despair.  Elijah, in his desire for a drink invites the widow to take down her "fence" and follow him.   She responds and heads to her water source, in the prophet's behalf.  Then, Elijah asks her to also bring him something to eat, some bread.  She reminds him of her state of ultimate poverty, and even tells him that she only has a "handful of meal" and  a "little oil" left to feed her son.  He responds to the widow and to each of us, to take down our "fences" as he bids her to FEAR NOT.........then he promises her, that if she will make food for him first, then for herself and her son, that she will be blessed with plenty of nourishment for the future.  Profoundly so, when we reprioritize our lives, and put the Lord first, and even have the courage to serve when we are suffering, we are blessed with MORE than we had before. 

 

The story of the Widow of Zarephath, reminds each of us, that Families Change, and as they do, so must we!!!  Her family was not a perfect family with a father and a mother and a house full of healthy children.  Her family was a single parent home with a weak mother and a sick son.  And, it took a visit from a prophet of God to help her remember her core values and trust in her Higher Power again.  In the words of the Old Testament, the widow "went and did!"  After my husband left, I found myself thrust into a crazy life of hurt, pain, fear, and utter caos---- not to mention assuming the life of a full-time college student with a couple part-time jobs and being a full-time mother of 4 children, who also had broken hearts that needed my attention and love.    I found myself soon becoming a "fence" builder.   I "fenced out" many friends, as seeing their families and their resources were a constant reminder of those things I no longer had.  I "fenced out" events that would have filled my barrel and cruse.  I "fenced in" my children, afraid to let them go, out of fear of possibly losing them to the challenges this life currently offers.

 I remember vividly coming home from a study group, late one night.  A neighbor had brought dinner to my children in my absence.  I drove home empty, much like the widow, with nothing to give and barely a crumb for myself and my children.  I remembered there was a meeting at the church, that evening.  I felt so weakened by my trials and so empty at the loss of my husband, that physically, I could hardly move.  As I walked down the road to the church, I felt much like the widow as she headed to her water source.  When I arrived, the meeting had already begun.  I looked in the window and every seat was taken.  I thought about my options----- quietly unfolding another chair, sitting by someone that I did not know, or perhaps someone who knew me too well, and their eyes of pity I could not bear.  So, I turned and walked back home.  I did not fill the vessel for Him who could have healed me and blessed me and made my situation easier to bear.  That night, on my knees, I promised my Heavenly Father, my Higher Power, that I would NEVER put up another fence between He and Me!!!  I needed Him more than He needed a vessel of water or a cake.  I NEEDED the blessings that would come from serving, from putting Him FIRST and foremost in my life again.  I needed the blessings my whole family could receive----------- I knew that night, that if I tore down the "fences" that I had built , that our barrel of meal would "waste not" and our cruse of oil would NEVER FAIL!! 

 

Tearing down "fences" does not happen overnight.  Day by day, I have made a conscious effort to pray, to call and visit friends, to serve others and to allow others to serve me, to put other's needs before my own, making Him a priority in my life again, like the Widow as she "went and did."  Fearing Not has allowed me to become Faith Filled............... and the view, without fences,  makes it so much easier to see where we are going, and who we are going there with!! 
Fear Not!  Be Faith Filled!! No Fences!!!

Hands

Hands!!! Without speaking a word, hands tell a story, express emotion, lend support and offer love and friendship, safety and security.

I remember being a young mother, and a close family friend had lost their infant son to SIDS. I soon found myself sitting in the upstairs room at the mortuary with their sweet family.  Watching this mother cradle the body of her little one, as molds were made of his hand in hers---their hands testified to me that families are forever,  a testimony I would need, at a much later time, as families change.   Some years later, I sat in a hospital room, holding the hand of a little 3 year old friend who had just suffered a near drowning accident hours prior.  Her eyes were closed, her body seemed limp and lifeless, yet her spirit, so big and strong, filled the room.  The shock of this event  robbed me of any spoken words, I took her hand in mine, and began to sing If The Savior Stood Beside Me.  With every word and note, I not only knew the Savior would stay by this sweet toddler's side, but that He would be my side, as families change.

The morning after my husband left, a loving Relief Society president walked up the driveway, with her hands outstretched to me.  Her hands signified only the beginning of lifting, loving, serving, feeding, comforting and inspiring.  Her helping hands, along with many others, carried me through much of my journey of family change.  Such hands motivated me to use my weak and feeble, hurt and tired hands to help others,  in an attempt to capture the powerful spirit of helping hands, which fills both the giver and the receiver.

A few weeks after finding myself a single parent, the feelings of hurt and abandonment took over my heart.  I had just made it through another day, though the dinner dishes still covered the kitchen counter. I could feel the loneliness, hurt, anger and sorrow filling my soul, so I quickly slipped away  to my room, and quietly crumbled in the bottom of my walk-in closet and just began to sob.  I was not sure how I would make it another day.   It all hurt too much, seemed too hard and just so unfair!!  Then, I turned my head to find my teenage daughter standing in my closet.  She reached out and took my hand in hers, and lifting me to my feet she said, "Mom, let's go to the temple!" With her hands, she wiped my tears, picked out the perfect dress and even zipped my boots and buttoned my coat.  I don't remember a lot about the temple that night, but I will never forget the hands that lifted me and brought me there.  The hands of my children have continued to be a strength and motivation as I walk through the refiner's fire, climb the mountain of divorce ----- in hopes of coming through this family change, bigger, better, stronger..............with the hopes of using my hands to help, lift and inspire others, as their families change.



I can often be seen riding a bike, put together by the hands of my daughter and son-in-law for a Mother's Day surprise.  Every time I ride it, I think of them.  I remember the day, hand in hand, they began their eternal family.  I see the fun they have together, the support they are to one another and the incredible love I feel from them and for them.  Their hands have inspired me to want to have a hand in mine again!  Their hands have helped me see beyond the hurt, fear and betrayal, and to open my heart again.  And, his hand fits in mine perfectly!!!
                                                                                                                

                                                                      

                                                                                                        

As families change, it is easy to throw our hands in the air in frustration and fear, doubt and anger.  Or, to put our hands in our pockets and just give up.  As families change, may we remember to put our hands together in prayer and allow that higher power to lift us out of darkness.  As families change,  may we welcome those who have been sent by Him, to be His hands, through support, love and service.  Remembering His hands, the prints of nails in our behalf, the ultimate gift of love and service---all so that we do not have to feel the pain and suffering of family change------ as He already has!!  Through His hands, the price has been paid-------He does make up the difference!!!  "Go into the darkness-----and put your hand in the hand of God."  Loving hands.  Lifting hands.  His hands.  Unseen Hands!!