Did Anyone Think To Ask the Children?

Did anyone think to ask the children?

With the excitement of the day, I have a few questions and thoughts. Did anyone ask the children?

As one of our older children left the roost, we began to rethink bedrooms. One remained empty for some time as I mourned the unavoidable growing up of my little ones. After a few months, my husband and I tossed around many ideas, and finally decided to put the two brothers together who had similar school hours, and the other in his own room. One day, I overheard the boys all discussing bedrooms, and they had a completely different idea. So, I listened and put the two brothers with different schedules together -------- they are inseparable today. And, often times, all three are together. I learned a valuable lesson ---- Ask the children!! And, take the time to listen. Does that mean we make every decision with a consensus from the kids? No, but they do have a voice. They do have opinions that, more often than not deserve consideration. And, most importantly, THEY have to live with OUR decisions! My husband left after 20 years of marriage, to pursue and alternative lifestyle. My children have been affected, and will continue to be a affected by the Supreme Court ruling today. So, I would ask again, "Did anyone think to ask the children?" How many of you would trade your Mom for two Dads. Or, trade your dad for two moms? It's thought provoking, isn't it? I asked my 12 year old that question, about two years ago. He spends time with his dad and his partner. Both are great men. He loves his dad and loves spending time with him. But, his answer to my question made me think. He said, "I just miss the Mom stuff when I'm there. Like the pretty music, the messages and notes, the kisses goodnight and just the Mom stuff, you know, Mom" I think, if we all reflected back, we would feel the same way, no matter which we got two of.

We must wear seatbelts. We must stop at a red light. Marijuana is legal in some states. And, don't text and drive. And, you can marry a man or a woman and choose your team. No matter what, it's about CHOICE. Some of these we do only when someone is watching. Other's we always do because of fear. Others we have chosen because of education. We don't hate those we see text and drive, until someone we love is recklessly affected. We don't hate those we see without seatbelts. We might think they are crazy. It's not about hate, religion or right and wrong. It's about choice. Let's make them wisely. Children WILL listen! But will we even take the time to ask? I live it. I see the affects every day. My kids live it. This is my story.

Careful the thoughts you make........ The future will tell.

Wishes come true. Wishes are children.

It's about choice!

It's about choice!

Light

Recently, I was reading in the Book of Mormon.  Particularly, I was studying the account of the brother of Jared, the barges he built and his faith.  Similar to his predecessor Noah, the brother of Jared was inspired to build boats or barges to protect his people from the calamities of the land.  This faithful brother was even instructed as to how to design the barges, like a dish.  As with most projects, there is bound to be a question or two along the way.  And, so it was, with the brother of Jared ---- how would they breathe and how would they see, within the walls of such a barge?  This brother seeks his higher power, and takes it to Lord in prayer, seeking guidance, inspiration and answer to the valid concerns of his heart.   The brother of Jared is divinely instructed to make a hole in the top and bottom of the dish-like barge, and uncork the hole when air was needed.  If water comes in, plug the hole and wait for the storm to subside.  He doesn't say, "I'll make the storm stop so that you can have air."  He instructs this brother, to replace the cork and wait, endure the storm and reminds him that it will pass.  The brother of Jared reminds the Lord about the much needed light.  This time, rather than giving  solution, the Lord asks this brother, "What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?"  Rather than simply giving heavenly instruction, this time, the Lord gives the brother of Jared an opportunity to think for himself, to create a plan and to exercise faith, to stretch and grow like never before.  And, so it is with many of life's experiences.  I remember vividly, minutes after my husband left, draping myself over my bed and pleading in prayer, "What now?", was all I could mutter.  Over the sound of my own sobs I heard the words, "Keep it normal!" "Keep the Spirit!"  And, "Keep the house!"  Those words have run through my mind and heart, daily, as I have endured the heartbreak of divorce, the rigors of part-time jobs and full-time school, and on into remarriage and the daily blending, listening and compromise that is required.  I have tried to keep things as "normal" and secure as possible and, I have tried to make my actions consistent with the spirit.  The house, oh the house!  I was left with a defaulted and botched mortgage, and an income, that on paper, would not suffice.  I have asked for heavenly guidance and hoped for an answer, much like the "hole in the barge" for air.  However, I have been required to climb and carve, plead and pray instead.  Still not clear with a plan, but willing and listening for the way........and I know, it will come!

I have always loved this scriptural account, full of life's lessons, however, in reading it this week, this next part hit me like a ton of bricks.  The brother of Jared went to the mountains, mount Shelem to be exact, which is known for its "exceeding height."  There he did "molten out of rock sixteen small stones."  No doubt exhausted from ship building and worries of the calamities of his time.  He begins to hike to the top of the mount, a very tall mountain.  And so, the brother of Jared continues this hike to the top, with the 16 "small stones", in his hands!  This is the part I had to read and re-read again and again.  Here he is, tired, he has built 8 boats, followed the instructions for air, now he is hiking a mountain, with hands full of faith, to the "top of the mount."

 He approaches the Lord again, in prayer, after quite a hike, tired, fatigued, worn out I'm sure with worry and being physically taxed.   He recognizes the fact that storms will continue to rage and that he is far from perfect.  But, that as children of God, we have been taught to pray.  Then, he acknowledges the power of prayer, of deity.  The miraculous potential in the hand of God, if we but ask. And he states his faith knowing that the Lord CAN work miracles, and presents his plan and asks Him to touch the 16 small stones within his hands, and make them light.  And, he does..........because of his faith.  This boat builder and hiker, just as far from perfect as the rest of us, with his 16 small stones of faith, that fit in hands, became light.

 It struck me how small the stones were, if 8 fit in each hand.  And, how 2 stones would be enough to light a dark, storm-tossed, barge.  I realized the power of prayer.  I realized He listens.  I realized that if we just exercise a "small stone's" worth of faith, it IS enough light to brighten any day, lighten any challenge and triumph over any trial.  I also realized that sometimes we receive heavenly answers, other times we receive heavenly guidance through the storms and the building of one's character.  I realized that even though I do my best, I will still experience storms and may even have to climb a mountain for answers and strength to navigate the chaos of life, but He is there!  And, that those are the times when we can see the "finger" of Lord touching our lives........when we are willing to keep climbing, keep building and keep praying.  And, when we exercise just a "stone's" worth of faith.  It only takes a little bit of light to dispel darkness, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Just a little, one prayer, one page, one verse.........He is there, and what we have to offer is enough.  We are all boat builders, building testimonies, families and communities.  We can't do it alone.  If you haven't ever prayed, make today the first.  If it's been a while, now's the time.  There's guidance we cannot receive any other way.  Storms will come, and so will light, with hands full of faith and a willingness to climb!  He is there.  We just need to ask.  He is light!

History

She stands in center field.  She knows the pitch is slow and it's coming right to her.  She prepares her mitt.  It's a line drive rather than a pop fly and she misses, with her mitt in the air, ready for the drop......that never came.  The next pitch, she's ready.

Mitt open, knees bent, she is low and in position for the drive.  This time, it's the pop fly she had anticipated.  She runs back, trying not to trip herself as she watches the ball rather than her feet.  Mitt up and open and.............she misses, AGAIN.  With more power behind the hit, she underestimated the power of the hitter.  Home run!  The first few games full of similar scenarios.  But after two or three, she is in the game.  History has prepared her for the strongest and weakest batters.  History has taught her to run backwards, steady on her feet.  History has instilled in her a desire to win!  Now, her eyes on the ball and she follows it to her mitt, almost every time.  Her failures have become her strengths, but only because of what she learned in the past. She has learned, she can't change history, but she can make it.  She goes on to catch balls no one dreamed.

 She finds talents she never knew she had.  And, she realizes that with patience, practice and pleading, she's a winner!

I think Confucius had it right:  "We must study the past to create the future."  When my husband abruptly left after 20 + years, I was angry and mad at the world!  My first reaction was to take down every picture, toss his favorites, and destroy the memories.  A frame hung in the living room which bore a current family picture.  That day, I stood and stared.  It was recent.  It was beautiful.  I could remember the day it was taken, the breeze, the laughter as one child wanted the dog in a photo, the hair fixing, the smell of freshly shampooed hair and the "normal."  I gently lifted the frame down and began to take out the picture.  As I removed the nails from the back of the frame,  I could see flecks of the many different colors of paint that the frame had been, over the years.  That frame has stood the test of time.  That frame had a history.  It started out light blue, then mauve (remember that?), forest green, cream, and then, the tried and true, brick red.  I then, lifted off the back and removed the piece of wood that held the picture tight in place.  A myriad of large family photos fell to ground.  Some with one child, then two, three and four.  Some in the fall leaves, some in a studio and some, on the bright green grass of summer.  I sat on the floor and studied each of them.  Brokenhearted, the tears turned to sobs.  What had happened to my family?  My forever after?  My normal?  Soon, the tears went from sad to fear as I was overcome with the unknown.  I pleaded to my higher power for comfort.  I was calmed with the thought that my past truly was history.  My future was definitely a mystery, but the present, was a gift.  And, what would I do with this gift of the present.  That family frame had been painted and repainted for every home and every season.  And, the pictures inside each told a story.  A story of a family growing together......then, falling apart.

How did this happen???  I just couldn't get this question out of my heart and mind.  What did I do to provoke such a change in him?  I was crushed, then I remembered the game and the girl in center field. I needed to be prepared for whatever life hit my way.  And, after this, I realized sometimes life hits a hard line drive and we are unprepared.  So, the first thing I did was to begin to prepare. Not that I wanted to remarry any time soon, but I made of list of things I could have done better in my marriage, that I would like to implement, if I were given the chance to be a wife again.  This list helped me realize that there is always room to improve, that I was not perfect either, and to not be afraid to change my position and that history, those pictures I wanted to throw away, could actually be the means of me becoming better not bitter, if I ever got to play that same position.  And, that letting go of who I was, could enable me to become someone even better, stronger and more secure in my position, because of history.  So, rather than throw away the photos and the destroy the frame therapeutically, here's what I did.  I invited my daughter's friend to come take some new pictures of my new family, my new normal.  Another friend of mine made a beautiful new, black frame, out of old barn wood, for my new family picture.  I also had the photographer friend take a picture of just the kids.  Then, I put my history to work.  I took the glass from the old frame and put it in the new frame, with all of the old pictures still in the back of it, history behind the present. Those old pictures of history actually seem to steady the new picture in just the right place.  And, I hung my new normal on the wall.

 Then, because I was part of a team with four kids, I asked them how they liked our new photo and frame.  They all loved the new, except the littlest.  My 8-year old longed for the past and struggled with our new future.  So, I lovingly placed our most recent family photo with Dad intact, above his bed.  It would remain there as sort of a score board, letting me know and him know when he was ready to accept today and move on to the future.  It took about 6 months for him to announce "game over" and come out of the dugout of sorrow and confusion and greet tomorrow with a smile of anticipation rather than fear.  He took the old picture down and up went a new.  I took the old family picture frame, with paint flecks and all, and purchased a new piece of light, clear plastic (easy to move around with)  for the glass and gave the frame a new coat of paint.  In that frame, I placed the new picture of the kids, wrapped it with festive paper and gifted it to their father, a picture of today, a frame loaded with history.  He recognized the frame and smiled with gratitude.

Now, I needed to learn how to run backwards, with my eye always on the ball, my family, making progress towards the future, but looking back towards my much needed history, while constantly reaching UP, to not miss the ball.  Struggles shape, trials trip and tame, leaving us never the same.........but sometimes a little better.  Running backwards  is hard.  Especially while you are trying to focus on not tripping over the next challenge, while still looking back to learn from the past, and stepping into the future, with faith as my guide and God as my coach.  I would surely win, with, 4 trusty teammates and bleachers full of family and friends cheering,  yelling, "You got this girl!"  "Be a hitter!"  "Stay in the box!"  "Don't be afraid of the ball!"  "You're a winner!" I needed those fans, and still do.   Going from being a Kool-Aid - Scrapbookin'- PTA Mom to a full-time student with multiple part-time jobs and responsibilities is the hardest thing ever.  Especially over night.  But, I can honestly say, letting go of who I was has allowed me to become who I am today.

Today, rather than cry and give up, I want to win!  I play many positions now, Mom, StepMom, Grandma, student, daughter, sister, friend and neighbor.  And, I even got a second chance to play my favorite position ---- being wife.  Everyday, I reflect on that list I made on the floor full of history.  I have rebuilt my life, and my family, because of my history, not in spite of it.  Because of what I have learned with the first out, I am bound and determined to stay in the game.  I still wear my old wedding on my right hand, with word engraved, "REMEMBER."  It reminds me to always be prepared for anything life may hit my way.  It keeps me steady on my feet, with past as my strength not my weakness, as I run backwards, reaching up to my higher power, ready for the catch.  And, it reminds me that though some days, the adversary wants me to feel I lost the game, it reminds me that I want to win.  History is imperative so that we don't make the same mistakes over and over again.  So I learned, not to throw it away, not to destroy my past in anger, in spite or a desire to get even.

 But, to hold on to my past, my history, and become something better.  Without the past, we are like a tree without roots.  Our past keeps up firmly planted in today.  Though the past may be full of pain at times,  the present can become a blessing when we see the future, the next game, full of promise.  Through practice, patience and pleading, our history will catapult us to who we are destined to become.  Treasure the tough!  Don't keep score!  What matters is getting better at the different positions the coach of life puts us in, and stumbling and falling only to learn to catch the ball, and win!!  Practice lots!  Patience in failure, which is synonymous with growth.  And, never quit pleading with yourself, with your bleachers full of fans, and your higher power and ultimate coach......to stay in the game, and Make History!

Hirchak Weidmer Christmas Letter 2014

Christmas 2014

Dearest Family and Friends----

        I hope this letter finds you all happy and healthy and anxiously engaged in your typical greatness.  As we continue in our quest of making lemonade out of life’s lemons, I have to say, we are becoming masters of the trade, and the drink just gets sweeter and sweeter.  2014 has definitely been a year of growth, in the Hirchak Weidmer home.  And, I’m not just talking about the hundreds of ziplock bags we use, or the truckload of granola bars or fruit snacks.  I am not talking about the tower of cereal we go through each week, nor the mountains of laundry.  I am talking about real growth.  Braden is now taller than I am!  Sean is not far behind.  Garrett will always be a spiritual giant.  And, Karmen can now purchase shoes in the women’s department.  Amber has almost outgrown high school and will graduate this summer.  But, the real growth I want to share, cannot be measured back to back, nor with a yard stick and the door trim.  It is the quiet growth that goes on within each of us.  This year, I will not spotlight a first place pinewood derby race, nor the outstanding GPA of a child.  I will not share the excellence that has occurred in our family, this year.  I think social media does a great job at keeping us informed and making us feel inferior.  So, I decided to approach this year’s Christmas letter a little differently, and share the growth that cannot be seen, and that often occurs after lots of blood, sweat and tears.  But this growth means the most and is worthy of every Facebook feed.

          We have all grown together!  One more year of family dinners, family chores, family events, family games, family prayer, family scripture reading, and yep, every Monday night, Family Home Evening.  We are blessed to have Braden, Sean and Karmen every Monday night.  I know this is not an accident.  He is in the details.  We have seen kids learn to conduct this meeting and stand with confidence.  They have learned, through participation, to speak in front of people, to share tender thoughts, experiences and even testimonies.  We have all been touched as prayers are said, and those missing are mentioned by name.  I can honestly say, and No, this is not the making of a new Mormon Message, but these Monday nights have been the catalyst of amazing growth within each of the kids individually, and for us as a family. 

          We have learned the importance of compromise.  Compromise is more than sharing or picking a have way point to end an argument.  Compromise is truly learning where someone else is coming from, and deciding to do it his way or her way, their way or my way, just because we’re family! Compromise can be just scrapping the whole idea and creating a new celebration, game or tradition.  Compromise is when the past is put aside for the moment, trusting the future is worth the change, and love and the desire to be a family matter more than who’s right or wrong, or any toy, game or event.

          Some of the greatest growth can be the result of weakness.  When we notice an area of the garden that is not thriving, we water it meticulously and take even greater care to nourish that part of the garden to optimize our harvest.  With people, we tend to do exactly the opposite.  Especially in families, we tend to see the weak, and poke, prod and draw attention to failures and magnify mistakes.  We have learned to apply our gardening principles inside our own home, the perfect greenhouse! We have learned what amazing results are seen and felt, when we work together to nourish where we are weak, take extra care when things are down, and weed out the negativity and replace it with just plain kindness. This year we had a garden.  This year we grew a family! 

          Our hearts have grown.  We have learned to love others as our own.  We have learned how each child and each other likes to give love and receive love.  For one, it may be a note of encouragement.  For another, to prepare a favorite dinner or snack.  For some, it may be to do their chores for them on a busy day.  And, for another, to follow up on a homework assignment.  For another, it may be taking time to create a cardboard school project in the final hour and have fun doing it.  And, for another, it may be an outing for some fries and chicken nuggets, even when your budget says, “NO”!  Our hearts have grown as we have learned to love each other BECAUSE of our differences not in spite of them. Our love has grown as we have put each other and family first.  Our love has grown as we have taken time and been willing to invest it in our future realizing the past is important, and the present creates our direction.

          2014 will always be remembered as the year we became grandparents!  On April 12^th, we welcomed Addy Grace to the family!  She has brought all of us together with her contagious smile and mighty spirit of love and divinity that is felt by all.   Addy has taught us all that it doesn’t matter how much money you have, what kind of car you drive, or how you look.  Addy shows us daily that it’s all about smiling and how you make others feel, that really makes a difference.

This year, we grew a family, and we thank our Savior, whose birth we celebrate this Christmas season, for making up where we fall short and for bringing us together! He is the gift, of this we are certain!  May 2015 be another year of great growth.  May we all decide to uplift, to strengthen and inspire those around us.  And, in honor of Addy Grace, smile more, is our prayer! 

We love you!

The Hirchak Weidmer Family

Bad Day - Good Day! Praise changes everything!

I was headed to my youngest son's basketball game.  It had been one of those weeks that I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions.  I was a little bit late, burned dinner just a tad, and helped the kids finish some of their homework.  Needless to say, I was a day late and a dollar short, and ready to burst into tears!  As I watched the game, a conversation began between some old friends and I.  We talked about hard times and challenges that seemed to have filled both of our homes and hearts, over the past few years.  We talked about how hard it is being parents, the challenges of marriage, and how we had coped.  We commiserated about our failures and recognized each other's successes.  In between boxing out and three-pointers, we managed to continue our discussion for most of the game.  Just as the score board rang in the end of the game, my friend leaned over to me and said, "Debbie, you know, in spite of so much challenge and change, you have raised some amazing kids!"  My down-trodden spirit looked up and made eye contact and with my head hung down, and I sheepishly responded, "Serious"?  The buzzer rang, kids began to flurry.  I gathered my coat and bag, rounded up my flock of sheep, and began the long walk to the car.  However, my trip out of the gym was much different than my walk into the game.  I felt lighter and brighter and there may have even been a little skip in my step, that night.  We got home and began the bedtime routine.  Then, down came my 17 year old, decked out in her scrubs and ready for work.  Here she was, worn out I am sure, from a full day of school and grueling basketball practice, all dressed and ready for work.  She works as a CNA at a local rehabilitation center and she loves her job.  The clients and staff adore her and so do I.   I looked at her and thought to myself, "what an amazingly dedicated and diligent young lady------ I DO have amazing kids!"  I asked my beautiful daughter if I could take her picture.  I wanted to remember this moment and this feeling!  I took this picture to always remind me that happiness can be found in the darkest of times...... you just need to know where to look.  And, that I am a woman of strength, talent and positivity and no one can ever take that away from me, unless I let them. And, this picture reminds me that maybe, amid the chaos, heartbreak, loss and change, her mother has done her very best turn obstacles into opportunities.......and ultimately succeed. Bad day to a good day, just from a little bit of praise.

A "Lack of" & Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving morning, I am grateful!  Not an uncommon feeling on Thanksgiving morning, but I mean really thankful, way deep inside.  Oprah would have me write those thoughts of gratitude in my journal, so here I am.  As I ponder my list of things I am grateful for, my “Lack of” experiences seemed to top the list.  This morning, I am tired, so in a strange sort of way, I am thankful for the lack of sleep.  My fatigue is the result of waiting up for the last teenager to return home from her evening adventures.  I am tired as I waited up to hear about her activities, her friends, her feelings, the movie they watched, and to watch her prepare for bed.  She is a senior in high school, and I know I only have a few more nights to wait up for her as a “child.”  Not that my heart will ever quit worrying about her safety, happiness and well-being, but as Families Change, so do our roles.  So, today, I am tired from a lack of sleep which means, I am grateful to be a mother. 

This morning, I am warm.  The furnace is billowing and the windows are edged in steam from morning showers and I am comforted physically and emotionally.   I am grateful for heat and hot water.  Just 3 winters ago, I sat in this same room, looked out the same window and pleaded with the heavens, through the thick, dark, cold clouds of winter and trial, begging for warmth and peace.  Our furnace had gone out and so had the hot water heater,  that winter.  As a single mother, each morsel of bread was budgeted and well calculated.  With wounded hearts and empty wallets, I boiled water and moved a space heater from room to room, for a time, pondering how I would care for my children alone.  In this very office, I knelt and pleaded with my higher power to  show me a way, to provide warmth.  Most of all, I pleaded for comfort and peace.  This morning I am warm, and I am grateful for the comforts of our time, like heat and hot water.  I am grateful because of those cold winter nights and the lack of such blessings, for a time, that have filled my heart with gratitude, this Thanksgiving morning.  Every time the furnace turns on, I remember that heating repairman and the bill I never received.   I was cold and today, I am grateful for it.  That miracle of running hot water will never cease to amaze me and the hum of the furnace is a constant reminder that I am never alone.  Today, I am warm.

This morning, the house is quiet, and only a couple of children remain, soon to leave, this holiday morn.   One will work today, and bring happiness and joy to those she cares for, and that fills my emptiness.  The last remaining will soon leave, to join the others, in spending this holiday with their other parent.  This is my new reality.   Quiet holidays, here and there and celebrations shared. This morning, I remember suffering and pains of infertility and longing for more children.  My lack of children forced me to visit doctors, specialists, palm readers, holistic healers ----- anyone who might be able to open up the windows of heaven and pour out the blessing of children.  My lack of children made way for the miracle of adoption and step-parenting.   My lack of children brought empathy for those who also suffer empty arms that accompany infertility and divorce, death and miscarriage.  Families Change, hearts are healed and empty arms are filled with faith in the only one who knows EXACTLY how we feel.  Those who seek Him shall never lack----- In the quiet loneliness I am grateful. 

This morning, I am thankful for the lack of finances and a tight budget.   Finances have forced me to focus on gifts that cannot be purchased like cleaning a bedroom while a child is at school, leaving a note of love and appreciation on a favorite candy bar, an encouraging note in a sack lunch, a word of encouragement on a mirror, or just a smile and a hug at just the right time.  My lack of happiness at times, has forced me to create it.   My lack of an umbrella in the storm, has motivated me to get one, borrow one or make one, or just smile and dance the night away………..and it does go away!  This Thanksgiving morning, I am grateful.  I am grateful for all of the experiences and things I have not had or do not have, for the “Lack of” has taught me and made me who I am today.  Gratitude turns what we have into just enough.  Being grateful is the best way to start out every day!  The “Lack of” and Thanksgiving!

Pearls

I absolutely love pearls!!  I have never been a big jewelry fan.  As a matter of fact, my idea of "bling" is my one and only pearl necklace, tried and true.  It adds a touch of elegance to any outfit, that I do not have on my own.  It turns casual to classy ---- those simple pearls!  I even chose a pearl for my wedding ring!  My first wedding ring was of rubies and a diamond.   On a cold night, when mouths were hungry and bills needed to be paid, I sold my rubies and diamond to make ends meet.  Commitment and covenants gone and broken, that ring still provided for the kids ---------- a lesson I shall never forget.  No matter what, I had to make it happen for the kids.  So, when it came time to choose another wedding ring, I knew exactly what I wanted ---- a pearl!

I wanted something different.  I wanted something that would represent our families coming together, our histories, and our future.  Something that would represent "us" ---- Pearls!

Pearls result from injury!  The grain of sand begins to hurt and irritate the oysters delicate tissue.  So, as it tries to protect itself and coat the sand to lessen the injury, a pearl results!  I couldn't think of anything more perfect.  Mr. B and I had both been injured beyond what we would have ever imagined.  That pearl on my finger would be a constant reminder to us both, to always be sensitive because of where we had been.  To be aware of tender feelings and emotions that surface from day to day.  And, as we protect each other and our relationship, a priceless pearl will result---- a relationship that will not be sold for selfishness, but created through sensitivity and injury.  My priceless pearl!

No two pearls are alike!!  No two marriages are alike!  No two families are alike!  No two blended families are alike!  And, I knew, going into a second marriage, there would be things that were different from the first!  I knew that our family might look different than the social norm.  I knew that our relationship would be different than any other!  So, a pearl seemed the perfect stone!  Every time I look at my hand, and see my ring, I am reminded to dare to be dynamically different!!

 We teach our kids to focus on the positive.  To focus on similar tastes and talents and have fun with the differences.  They have learned to smile when they say, "we have 10 children in our family!"  They have found the humor in how one brother likes hot dogs without the bun, and another brother only likes the hot dog!  Each time I look at my hand, I remember not to compare, but embrace.  I remember to hold my head high, because of our differences.  That divorce did not define me but had refined me and prepared me for something priceless and beautiful!  My pearl!

Pearls are not found just lying on the seashore ----  you've got to know what you're looking for and be prepared to dig, dive and search for them!  My pearl wedding ring reminds me everyday that good relationships don't just happen.  I have realized, through analyzing past failures, that relationships take time and a lot of hard work.  You need to know what you are looking for and be prepared to work for it.  You might have to dig through the sands of sea to find the one worth working for.  My pearl reminds me that there are times when I will need to dig for answers, peace and patience.  My pearl reminds me to always be aware of feelings and emotions.

 There are times when they can take a dive, and I need to be aware of those plunges, in myself, our children, and in each other, and be willing to put aside my own needs and desires to elevate!  My pearl reminds me to search!  To search the scriptures daily!!! I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that whether I find answers or not, in reading my scriptures daily, I ALWAYS find the peace and power!  I can't afford to miss ---- to miss the lessons I learn from them.  The guidance and direction I receive from them.  The comfort and peace I feel when I read.  And, I cannot go a day without the power I feel.  Scriptures = Superpowers!!  If you want to save the day, rescue or protect, read the Book of Mormon daily!  It is full of gemstones ---- life's lessons that cannot be taught or learned in any other way! I testify that daily scripture reading, for myself and for my family, has been the glue that held my children and my heart together when all seemed broken.  And, it has bonded our blended family like no other!  My ring reminds me to read!  My pearl!!

I have enjoyed speaking to many of you at various events in the community.  You have filled me as I have been given opportunities to share in your Relief Society and Young Men/Young Women meetings, lessons, firesides and events.  I have loved speaking in Women's Conferences.  Each event has connected me with many of you that have filled me when I was empty.  These opportunities have seen me through the darkest period of my life, and allowed me to see the light that was, is and has always been there.  For that, I thank YOU!!

This week marked 4 years since I woke up and found myself a single mother, after 20 years of marriage.  My life would never be the same.  I would be changed forever.  How would I survive?  How would I provide?  And, how would my world of "normal" and "change" collide?  The answers to these questions did not come overnight.  They were not answered in a week or even a month.  However, as I have pondered over the past 4 years, I have realized these questions were in fact answered, time and time again, through the threads of experience.  As strange as it may seem, though, four years later I still mourn!  Not that I am negative and down everyday, but I definitely have my moments when I actually mourn.  I believe that mourning is the result of any and all family change.  And, mourning is ok! We mourn for what might have been.  What could have been.  We mourn for what is missed, and we mourn because of who we miss.  I mourn as I miss me.  I miss staying home with the kids and focusing on frosting the sugar cookies just the right shade of orange for their Halloween treat.  I miss sitting down together, with a highlighter and their book order from school, circling their wish list and learning about "why this book or that one?"  I miss going to the park without the worry or constant nagging of homework and housework and finances.  I miss waking up knowing I have done my best to give my kids the best start in life, but instead, I mourn as I realize they have become a statistic of children at risk.  I hope I have empowered them with enough positivity to make lemonade out of life's lemons, to dig deep and search for their pearls in life.  I mourn simplicity.  I mourn living each day without the memory that I failed at something huge............and worry that I might fail again.  Those moments I mourn, my eyes meet my pearl, and it's beauty is deep, deep within us all, waiting to be found, searched for and discovered!  I find peace and am comforted in my differences. My pearl reminds me daily that extraordinary can come from ordinary!  My pearl touches my heart and reminds me to be sensitive to injury, past, present and future.  My pearl reminds me that relationships are fragile.  Marriage takes hard work, and sometimes we have to dig deep.  But, the reward is unsurpassed!  Family is fragile!  Handle it with prayer! Pearls!