Friday, November 30, 2012

Look up!

One of the greatest assignments, so far in college, has been the challenge to write my own obituary.  It might seem crazy, but I would challenge each and everyone of you to do the same.  I found it not only remarkably eye-opening, but healing at the same time.  It is the final party that we will attend, only in spirit.  In preparing my own obituary, I realized that it did not really matter what I thought, felt or understood had taken place during the events of my life, but how others interpreted them.  It does not really matter if I think I am a good mother, but how my kids view my fullfillment of this calling.  It won't really matter if I told my family often that I loved them.  It matters only if they felt loved by my words, actions and committment to them.  Often times, the present seems to just slip by while we are busy feeling overwhelmed with guilt about the past or worrying about what the future might bring.  I once heard a quote that said, "The bad news is, time flies-----the good news is YOU are the pilot!"  So, I began to write my obituary.  Each sentence seemed to provoke ten more feelings.  There were some things that I wrote that surprised even myself.  For example, I would want my children to speak of me as one who supported them and encouraged them to live their dreams.  I would want them to describe me as loving, kind, always serving.  Trying to teach them skills and helping them by lightening their loads everyday.  I would want my children to mention that I taught them to love and value education.  That I taught them that they can do hard things.   One of the final statements of my obituary said, "Debbie was best-friend to many, including her ex-husband.  He admired her courage, her stregnth, her positive attitude, her willingness to do hard things and her ability to find love where others would only find hate."  As I wrote this part of the obituary, I realized, that though divorce was nearing completion, it was important to me how he felt about me.  And, I still wanted to make him proud.  So, this changed my heart.  None of us knows how many more tomorrows we will have, but we have today, and I had some work to do.  If I wanted to be described as loving, I needed to love.  If I wanted to be known for being positive, the glass needed to always be half-full rather than half-empty.   I needed to find faith when I felt afraid.  I needed to find courage when I felt weak.  And, most importantly, I needed to find love, when it seemed logical to hate.   I know that our eyes are in front by divine design-----because it is more important to look forward than back.  And, I would add, to look up along the journey, and recognize His guidance and continuous blessings.  How do you want to be remembered?  Be that person now!!!  Look forward!  Look up!  Enjoy the journey---and others will enjoy YOU too!!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. Thank you so much. I too will soon be a single LDS mom, going back to school. Thank you for your positive words and inspiration.